Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Sombre life of mine

Have not been logging in for while.
I have been away and back to home country for one good deserving holiday.
Meeting up with family members is such a fulfilment, especially spending time with my parents.
Like always, and everytime, it will definitely make me just wanna crawl to the airport and miss the plane when it comes to going back to the other 'home'.

I have always trying my best instilling in me that i should learnt to accept this other 'home' as my home.
That i have two home in my life, or treat the other home as vacation home; i failed.
I cannot find solace where i am right now.
I cannot learn to accept some things here; perhaps i refused to compromised in it at all.

I don't have the people that i have known half of my life to share opinion with eventhough there are people of the same country here, they just doesn't fit the bill; at all, probably due to a lot of factors and that includes geographically speaking.

I don't have the usual place that i can go to and get my personal beautification done (although the actual reasons was just to wind-out and relax) as i do back in my home place. Basically, i do not have a fulfilling life at all here...it is almost like redundant.

I hate it, but i have got to go with it.
That is the most painful thing a human should endure.

I have changed my life 360 degree. From being a fast driver both in carrier and on the highway to catch up with time and appointments, to being secluded to four walls taking care of one cheeky- yet lovely- going 2-year old daughter and a husband in some foreign land.
No doubt that it does take a toll on my stress level initially, but it begins to run down a bit now.
But eliminating the stress? Nope, don't think so. It would be near impossible i dare to say.

So, again, the aftermath of a good holiday back home is to dwell in this sombre moods for the time being until i got back on track in this land that is not a home.....
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