Journals

2008 is drawing its curtain soon.

Another year would pass by. Again.

And life still goes on, with or without one's objective being accomplished or otherwise. With all the year end rush everwhere, my one must item for new year shopping would be of course, a personal planner, family planner and very creative and nice to look at calendar (besides it's actual purpose one need to feed the eyes too).


While having quitting writing a journal since few years back, which help reduces my exasperation looking for beautifully coloured and covered non-dated lined diary, it has never been that easy browsing through all the bookshops in this town in search for a decent family planner.

Looking at the near non-existence of it, I came to a conclusion that people from this part of the globe just don't write journal hence there is no demand for it and leaving people like me having to go through all the bookshops for such item every year end.


For as long as I can remember, I know I started to write my first journal seriously when I was 12 years old; that is because that particular diary is still in my possession.
It is 4x6, green coloured background with faded picture of one young girl with an umbrella sitting down on a bench looking afar. Its interior is light green lined non-dated book.
I got it from a stationary at one Japanese mall somewhere along Old Klang Road in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. The name of that mall is Kimisawa!
Can't believe I can still remember the name of that shopping mall though.
I know that was the first Japanese mall in Malaysia before Yaohan and Jusco came to the country.


Well you see; the above has just conform my believe that keeping a journal dedicatedly would do good for your brain and help you remember well.


When I was still a free soul, it used to be my rituals to open up the box where i stored all my journals and browse thru it every year the night before my birthday and when the year is coming to an end. I will first open the page of my birthday, read what i did that very year and how was my feeling then.

Reading what I wrote when I was 12 and 21 is very warm and pleasant. The way I put my words down, the way I express every other type of my feelings and thoughts about people and the surrounding. It does help a lot in improving my self especially my self esteem besides making it easier for me to rectify my weaknesses and strengths plus some aspect of my life.

Reading about me from being a very quiet and timid young girl when I was younger and how much I hated to be bullied where I later turned into a rather rebellious teenage girl. And from an independent and non-submissive young adult to a more composed person. All thanks to my journals. From which I learnt the bad and good attributes of me by being able to conduct a considerable amount of reality check on my life and the environment I'm in at any current moment.

The only consequences when depending too much on diary to "talk" to, might be, one will end up keeping too much things to one self, and finding talking to people are not sufficient enough. I recall one incident when I was asked by someone why didn't I have any best friend or friends like most people do. My reply was simple; I have and it was my diary.
The one that i can trust with my life and the one that i know won't be "telling" my thoughts to someone else......(..i must had a troubled childhood, you might think no...;-))


On the other hand, having 'compilation' of diaries of your life would be difficult too.

Lets face it, I do think about death; and quite frequent too.
Don't know why really.
Once in a blue moon, I will be thinking about that particular box and the stacks of diaries in it and what I should do with it.
Should I just 'cremated' it and be left with nothing to browse through whenever i want to; or just leave it there, and one day would bound to be open and read by my spouse or somebody else.

Which one?


Guess that will be the longest outstanding decision that I have which never seem to come to an end every year end.