Tuesday, 23 February 2010

an expat wife confession....

I am a business woman before living my life back in Malaysia to come to this country with my young child who was then six months old following decision made both by my husband and me. Decision was made for the sake of experience, change of environment and of course for the money offered. Initially, I had to dealt with daily stress of near 360 degree total change of life from fast lane and business suits to taking care of young child with the lack of experience, house chores and being 'compounded' by four walls day in and day out.

Although it bruised our no-argument relationship with my ever supportive and understanding husband, and learning to cope with things hoping that I will eventually swallow it nice and easy, i found myself every now and then feeling suffocated being at home and not able to get out of this drowning life of being a housewife. It is similiar to those type of dream where you're unable to wake up from.

Even though I have the luxury of time making up all those things I put aside due to busy life such as lots of reading, art and reconnecting back with 'friends' who I had deliberately put aside due to time factor, I am being deprived of good mind-stimulating conversations with people of experience and business acumen.

That is a fragment of my off and on inner-battle of I, me and myself.
Despite having thanking God of what He have been giving me my whole entire life and now - I still found myself thinking of the above most of the time. I sometimes realised that this so-called being an expat wife really not what I wanted after all. I would unquestionably be a reason of feeling so if I am just a wife back in my own country.

I am sure there are women out there facing similar predicaments between choosing over their well-built and high flying career and family. It's a tough choice to do but one had to admit to the order of life. The order where when a woman decided to get married and have kids, their priority will definitely change. Their lifestyle will be affected. Their time will be consumed by other things already.
Unlike men.

And being a person who would want to balance up things in life, becoming a good juggler -- I have to admit that I am drowning in my own resentment of being a full time housewife far away from my country and from what I want to do. I seriously don't know how others can do it. How some women enjoy being it. How they feel contented with it....

The difference between being a wife in your own country and a wife out of your country is a lot.
Being in your own country -- you will somehow able to take control of few factors such as having a career, time spent with extended families and friends whom would help give a breather once in a while.
But for those who are thousand of miles away from families and close friends, and adding more to it -- the fact that one had to give up a career, carrying the roles of nurturing mother and duty-bound wife -- it, could take a toll on one's emotion.

Although I am forever thanking God for giving me a man who is ever supportive and who understand my predicament, I still am the 'ungrateful' person who can't live without one thing called career.

Honestly, after what I had experience thus far, and having to carry the status of this very unavailing life I'd rather be running adrenalin catching up on time for appointments and getting stuck in traffic jam rather than being slumped in my house clothes without high heels and lipstick day in and day out.
God save me!
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